INSPIRATION STORY

Michelle's Story

By Christopher Meuse 

A true story about the life of a father and his daughter as they journey through denial, lies and pain. A story about how the power of love keeps them strong through moments of weakness and fear.

For many years I had a powerful relationship with what I thought was the healthy enjoyment of alcohol. I would find pleasure in the odd bottle of wine each week, thinking that it was a normal part of life. After I retired on June 7, 2007 I began to gradually increase this so called healthy enjoyment, until this habit developed into the need for a bottle of wine per day. When a bottle of wine wasn't giving me the same satisfaction as in previous months, I simply added a half pint of vodka to the mood altering mix…."there that's better", I would think to myself…no harm done. On some days, when I really wanted to find fulfillment, I would have two bottles of wine, and a little vodka.

Friends and family members began to tell me that I was drinking too much. I simply responded by stating that I was only drinking a bottle or so of wine each week. I would think to myself that they believed me, and I carried on with my habit. I carried on in denial of what was really happening to my life…in denial of how my behaviour was affecting my life and the lives of caring members of my family. No matter what I was telling myself, and no matter what I was telling my family with lies of denial…they knew the truth.

I was living a lifestyle that was slowly killing me mentally, physically, and spiritually.

On one occasion I was visiting my daughter Michelle, and when she went out with friends I stayed in her apartment and spent the day drinking alcohol. Her words… words that she wrote to me as to how that particular day, and many prior days, were affecting her life, speak of a pain that a father should never inflict upon his child:

(Saturday Jan. 26, 2013)

"Dad, because I care about you, I have to tell you this...

You probably don't remember our phone conversation yesterday. I was at the movies when I decided to call you. It didn't take long to realize that you had drank quite a bit of alcohol. As we spoke you suddenly stopped talking half way through a sentence, and you were silent. There was a long pause, and then you sounded as if you were crying. I kept saying ‘Hello? Dad? Dad?'… you weren't answering. It seemed as if you were trying to talk but you couldn't. I panicked and asked if you were ok, and you were still struggling to talk. At this point a thousand things went through my mind. I thought that I was losing you! My friends watched me the whole time and they said that my face turned very red, my eyes started to water and I had an extreme panic look on my face. I was about to drop everything and drive home.

Eventually you spoke, but to this day I still don't know what happened. I thought to myself that I was not going to have a Dad for much longer.

Everyday I feared for that dreaded phone call.

It is very noticeable that you are not taking care of yourself. You are making your family worry… especially me! I'm not sure what is going on, or why you are doing these things, but I wish I could help. You are behaving as if you do not care about your life. You've even mentioned to me quite a few times that you are ready to die. You are losing your mind!

Despite all these things l care about you, and that's why I am so angry.

When I think about my future you are sometimes not in those thoughts.

Don't you want to watch me graduate? Meet my future husband? Walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, and be there when my first child is born. Don't you want to watch your sons Anthony and Mark succeed and make a difference in this world? I hope that you do! However, you need to make a lot of changes in your life...NOW! You have two very caring women in your life (me and Mom). We will help you find happiness.

I use to think very highly of you and I enjoyed your company…not any more! You used to be the most int